


Can't Find My Way Home

by Heather_Night



Series: Home [1]
Category: Animal Kingdom (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:34:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21902302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heather_Night/pseuds/Heather_Night
Summary: Deran swore as his call went straight to Adrian’s voicemail.Again.It was Adrian’s birthday and Deran had a surprise lined up but he’d ignored Adrian’s attempts to make plans earlier in the week and today he’d ducked his calls, all in the name of preserving the surprise.He supposed it wasn’t a surprise that  he was getting the same treatment now.  He was beginning to think he’d made a colossal mistake by keeping this a secret from Adrian.He patted the rings in his front pocket, then the plane tickets in the side pocket of his cargo shorts.Belize and a proposal.  He had it all planned out.
Relationships: Deran Cody/Adrian Dolan, Deran Cody/Clark 'Linc' Lincoln
Series: Home [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1577692
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39
Collections: Animal Kingdom ▶ Deran Cody / Adrian Dolan





	Can't Find My Way Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dreamsandlove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamsandlove/gifts).



> This one is for the super talented Allthehearteyes, beta extraordinaire. It also ended up being one of my favorite stories written in this batch so I really hope you enjoy it.

Deran swore as his call went straight to Adrian’s voicemail.

Again.

It was Adrian’s birthday and Deran had a surprise lined up but he’d ignored Adrian’s attempts to make plans earlier in the week and today he’d ducked his calls, all in the name of preserving the surprise. 

He supposed it wasn’t a surprise that he was getting the same treatment now. He was beginning to think he’d made a colossal mistake by keeping this a secret from Adrian.

He patted the rings in his front pocket, then the plane tickets in the side pocket of his cargo shorts.

Belize and a proposal. He had it all planned out.

Now he needed to find Adrian and haul him to the airport before they missed their flight. Instead he was getting the silent treatment because he’d fucked up.

He heard the key in the lock. “Finally.” 

His sense of relief tanked as Craig bounced into the living room, twirling his key ring in his hand. “Dude, what are you doing here? I thought you’d be with Adrian. He’s at The Drop getting blitzed.”

The Drop. It was funny Adrian had ended up back there since they both had the night off from work. Hell, they had a week off and that had been difficult to keep a secret from Adrian but Kai had promised not to say anything and she was the only one who knew they’d be out of the country.

It was on the tip of his tongue to throw Craig’s words back in his face—what the fuck was he doing here?—but Deran had bigger fish to fry. He plucked Craig’s keys out of his hand. “Grab a bag and let’s get going. We need to grab Adrian and then haul ass to the airport.”

Craig frowned. “You didn’t tell me you were going somewhere.”

Deran rolled his eyes. “It was a surprise and I knew if you ran into Adrian you wouldn’t keep your mouth shut.”

His brother opened his mouth and then shut it with a snap. The frown remained.

Leaning down Deran grabbed the bag he’d packed for Adrian. “You just gonna stand there or are you coming?”

Craig stalked over to Deran’s bag and snatched it up wordlessly.

Great. He’d somehow managed to hurt Craig’s feelings. It wasn’t Deran’s fault Craig couldn’t keep a secret unless it was job related.

They were in the Scout, Deran behind the wheel, when Craig broke the silence. “Does Pope know you’re leaving?”

“Yeah. I asked him to water the plants for me. We’ll only be gone a week but Adrian would be upset if something happened to his babies.” Deran smiled as he thought of Adrian filling their place with greenery. He said the oxygen they put into the environment was good for them but Deran suspected Adrian liked pretty things.

Adrian liked Deran. Did that mean Adrian thought Deran was pretty? He snorted quietly but was secretly pleased at the thought.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, thrusting it at Craig. “Can you try Adrian again for me?”

Craig grumbled in the passenger seat of the Scout but he hit a button. “Straight to voicemail. He must be pissed at you.”

His brother sounded amused at the thought. Deran didn’t think Adrian had done anything to Craig, hell Craig used to be one of Adrian’s biggest defenders, but lately he’d seemed sour whenever Adrian came up in conversation.

Deran glanced at Craig to check the expression on his face. Definitely sour.

He’d have to get to the bottom of that later. Right now he was feeling pretty shitty because he’d obviously hurt Adrian’s feelings by ignoring him.

What if Adrian thought he’d forgotten his birthday? Worse, what if Adrian thought Deran didn’t care? It was a ridiculous thought but then again Adrian wasn’t a mind reader and wouldn’t know Deran had a plan. That there was a method to his madness.

The light was turning yellow but Deran was too close to the intersection to stop. Our of the corner of his eye he saw movement.

“Shit.” He steered away from the vehicle but it was too close.

He heard the impact but he didn’t feel anything despite his head cracking against the window.

_Adrian._

That was his last thought before the lights went out.

-0-

Adrian paced in the hallway as the doctor examined Deran.

Again.

The doctor said Deran had gotten off pretty lucky since he hadn’t broken any limbs, or his spine. Adrian didn’t really trust that doctor since he though a traumatic brain injury was plenty severe.

Deran had been unconscious for over twenty-four hours and the medical staff assured the Codys that was completely normal—it was to be expected—and they just needed to be patient.

Someone stepped into his path and Adrian narrowly avoided a collision. He looked up. Craig.

A scowling Craig. “This is your fucking fault. You should’ve fucking answered your phone.”

Adrian swallowed past the lump in his throat. “You’re right.” It was his fault. If only he’d answered when Deran had called him. He’d been busy throwing himself a pity party because Deran had forgotten his birthday and thought it was fair to ignore Deran like he’d been ignoring Adrian.

Fuck fair. Adrian should’ve known better. Things had been good between them for the last year or so. He’d had to go and fuck things up by throwing his little temper tantrum. Birthdays were stupid anyway. 

He braced himself for a fist to the face, knowing he deserved it, but Pope inserted himself between them, his back to Adrian. “Give it a rest, Craig. This is the asswipe’s fault who hit you, no one else.”

Craig had been banged up in the accident, cuts and bruises, but had escaped further injury. He’d been an aggressive asshole with everyone except Linc, the wonder nurse.

Pope looked over his shoulder, face a blank mask. “Why don’t you take a break? I’ll call if something changes.”

Adrian didn’t want to leave but his presence was only causing problems. He’d walk to the cafeteria although the thought of food, or even coffee, was enough to make him nauseous. The walk to the cafeteria and back to Deran’s room took fifteen minutes. Hopefully that was enough time for Craig to chill out.

It was hard not to walk fast but he made himself slow down. He wasn’t family and it would be easy to find himself barred from Deran. Pope didn’t seem to care he was there but Craig was hanging on his last nerve. Thank god Smurf was in jail again otherwise Adrian would find himself completely blocked out of information. No one knew where J was these days but he’d never had a problem with the guy.

By the time he got back to the room, Pope was emerging with a huge smile on his face. “He’s awake!”

Adrian bolted into the room, heart attempting to beat out of his chest. If there was a problem, Pope wouldn’t be smiling.

Pope never smiled.

He stopped in his tracks.

The head of Deran’s bed was up but Adrian couldn’t see anything more because there was a tall guy in scrubs between him and Deran.

Kissing. Deran was kissing this guy.

Adrian made a noise—he couldn’t even describe what kind of noise because he’d never made it or heard it before—and that was enough for the guy in scrubs to stand up tall.

Look over his shoulder at Adrian.

It was Linc. He wore a bemused expression on his face.

Deran broke the moment, voice scratchy but steely. “Adrian, what the fuck are you doing here?” Then, bewildered, “Linc, what is Adrian doing here?”

Adrian staggered back, his heart sinking downward toward his stomach. Or maybe his stomach was climbing upward.

Deran sounded pissed off that he was in the room.

Deran was looking to Linc for answers.

Adrian began looking for the bathroom, bile climbing into his throat.

-0-

Deran quietly entered The Drop through the side door after Pope dropped him off. He wanted to catch Adrian when no one was around—to have a word, or something, Deran didn’t really understand it himself—but someone had already beaten him to the punch.

He heard the soft moan and his temper ignited. _What the fuck?_ He wasn’t paying Adrian to get laid. He took a step forward but his plans of confronting the guy derailed when he recognized the other voice.

“You’re in worse shape than he is, Adrian. You’re going to collapse, or have a breakdown, if you keep on this way.”

Linc. 

He sounded as sensible, and patient, as always but Deran didn’t find it soothing at all. In fact, that tone made him want to punch Linc’s lights out.

“I just stood up too fast.” Adrian seemed equally unimpressed. 

“Bullshit. Why are your hands shaking then? You’re a fucking mess. And for what? He doesn’t appreciate anything you’re doing.” Curiosity grabbed ahold of Deran. What were they talking about?

Maybe Deran shouldn’t care. Sure, he and Adrian had been close once, but Adrian had cut all ties between the two of them. Deran didn’t really fault him after the whole beat-down thing in the bathroom but being forced to go cold turkey like that when Adrian had been the one person he could always count on…it had hit him hard. 

Deran wasn’t exactly sure what had transpired in the time since Adrian had made his feelings clear ( _you can’t make me feel something I don’t_ ) so it was a mystery to him why Adrian was working for him at The Drop. The only thing he could figure was that he’d felt sorry for the guy when he’d washed out of the WQS. 

His mind circled back to the conversation in front of him. Linc and Adrian didn’t have anyone in common except Deran, right?

His head ached all of the time since the accident but trying to figure out what these two were discussing was making it hurt worse. This whole situation really sucked. Who the hell lost a part of their memory? If he wasn’t living the reality, he’d think someone was making this shit up. Then there was the fact that no one would fill in the blanks for him and that was beyond aggravating.

“What are you doing? Knock it off!” Adrian’s voice squeaked like it did when he was stressed out and feeling cornered.

How could Deran remember that but not remember the last year of his life?

Deran peeked around the beam partially obscuring his vision. Linc stood in front of Adrian who slumped on a barstool. Linc’s hand rested on the back of Adrian’s neck, Adrian’s face leaning into Linc’s chest, while Linc’s other hand pressed into the side of Adrian’s neck.

Deran saw red, jealousy snaking its way through his system. He was on the move before he even thought about it. “What the fuck is going on here?”

Adrian pushed away from Linc with a yelp but Linc chased after him, a steadying hand on Adrian’s shoulder, settling him back more firmly on the bar stool. 

Deran wanted to knock his hand away. Push him aside. Take care of Adrian himself.

Wait…he wanted to hit Linc and take care of Adrian? But he was with Linc.

 _Shit._. This was bad. Or if not bad, weird. He was jealous of Linc touching Adrian.

Linc’s smooth voice filled the void. “Adrian here has been feeling a little rocky so I stopped by to check on him.” He turned to Adrian. “You need to take it easy. Why don’t you let me drop you off at your place?”

Adrian straightened on the stool, shrugging Linc’s hand from his shoulder. “Thanks, Linc. I’ve got a few more things to do here and then I’ll take off.” His smile was tight and didn’t reach his eyes.

Hands up, Linc backed up a step. “Whatever, man. Just trying to help.” His cell phone pinged and he drew it out of his pocket. “I need to get going.” He swiped a kiss against Deran’s cheek and then he was gone.

The cooler holding the beer bottles behind the bar kicked on, filling the air with a hum.

It was the only noise in the bar.

-0-

Adrian was embarrassed.

He’d had a moment of feeling overwhelmed and had texted Linc, asking him to meet him at the bar. He didn’t even know what he was going to say, just needed to say or do something, but then Linc had walked in and Adrian realized he’d made a mistake.

One of many. 

Linc wasn’t a bad guy, really the opposite in fact, but there was something about him that set Adrian on edge. He came off as conceited and Adrian supposed Linc had every right to but, yeah, it made Adrian feel insecure.

Linc was with Deran and it should’ve been him. How could Deran forget what they had? 

He’d almost face planted and Linc had stepped in and saved him and then, to add insult to injury, he’d started checking him over like he was a patient. That’s when Deran had shown up and growled, going all protective of Linc.

If Adrian felt better it would probably bother him more. As it was, he needed to drag himself up, finish restocking the essentials and meet Dave. 

His slide from the bar stool was done gingerly and he didn’t move until he was sure the dizziness had passed. When he looked up it was to find Deran standing close, face scrunched up. Adrian couldn’t tell if he was worried or disgusted at Adrian’s sign of weakness; Codys didn’t tolerate weakness well, not in themselves or in others.

Fuck, they’d been apart for only two weeks and Adrian had already lost his ability to read Deran.

Reaching a hand back, Adrian steadied himself on the bar. This was all his fault. If he hadn’t ignored Deran’s phone calls—

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Deran didn’t sound particularly hostile but he was giving Adrian a look like he expected Adrian to have a meltdown or something.

Adrian straightened to his full height, taking a deep breath. “Nothing. Just tired, I guess. I’ll finish restocking for tonight and then take off.”

Deran rolled up his shirtsleeves, exposing his forearms—one of Adrian’s greatest weaknesses and he couldn’t really drool because Deran would just call him a slut, or worse—and pitched in. He knew Deran was supposed to take it easy but Adrian wasn’t going to tell him he couldn’t help out around his own bar. He just kept a close eye on Deran and made sure he lifted the heavy boxes himself. 

They worked quietly, no words needed—at least that hadn’t changed—and in less than thirty minutes everything was ready for opening.

The reminder on his cell phone went off and Adrian silenced it. “Thanks for helping. See you tomorrow.” He had the evening off and after he met Dave, he planned to make an early night of it. He was so fucking exhausted, mentally exhausted, that he just wanted to crawl into a dark room, flop on a bed and do nothing except maybe cry. First, he had to be polite and spend time with his host but then he hoped Dave would excuse him while he had his little breakdown in private.

“So, um, do you mind dropping me off at my place?” Deran’s tone was gruff but he wasn’t staring at Adrian like he was going to explode or worse, like he couldn’t stand him. It was actually the first time he’d offered to spend time with Adrian of his own free will since the accident.

Although it was more likely that he just needed a ride since he hadn’t been cleared to drive yet. 

“Of course. It’s right on my way to…” and then, out of the blue, it hit him. He clapped his hand over his mouth trying to stifle the giggle.

Once he’d started there was no stopping them. He laughed so hard he couldn’t catch his breath.

Gentle hands pushed him back onto a stool and then a shot glass with an amber substance was pressed into his hand. He didn’t want to drink alcohol but he needed to do something so he tipped his head back and swallowed it down in two gulps. Bourbon no longer burned his esophagus or made his stomach hurt; these days he had to be careful not to drink too much of the liquid candy or he’d turn into his dad.

Once he finally caught his breath, he realized Deran was back in his personal space. “Okay?” He blinked his light blue eyes and Adrian’s resolve to take a break from Deran disappeared.

“Yeah. Sorry. Just had a really funny thought.” He had to break eye contact, looking down. If he kept staring at Deran he was going to say, or do, something really stupid. 

Deran didn’t want anything to do with him at the moment. Maybe never.

“Don’t be an asshole, tell me.” Deran sounded amused. They’d always shared a similar sense of humor. 

He somehow didn’t think Deran would be amused but he couldn’t deny the guy anything. “I’m meeting my friend Dave at Pottery Barn. To fag it up.”

When he said it aloud there wasn’t anything funny about it. Maybe ironic? Or tragicomic?

In Adrian’s case, make that just plain tragic.

Moisture flooded his eyes and he needed to go. Now. Before he embarrassed himself more.

“I’ve gotta…” he couldn’t even articulate his thoughts, a sob replacing his words.

He was running by the time he smacked the door open and it wasn’t until he was close to Dave’s place that he realized Deran had asked for a ride and he’d left him high and dry.

Adrian didn’t fret too much about it. He knew Linc would swoop back in and save the day.

-0-

Deran’s forehead throbbed sharply. Something about Adrian’s words… _Pottery Barn…fagging it up…_

He settled himself on a stool and rested his forehead on bent arms atop the bar. He was so sick of trying to figure out what was going on and with everyone tiptoeing around him it drove him insane. But those words sounded familiar.

Adrian had bolted from the bar, on the verge of tears. It shouldn’t have meant anything but something about seeing Adrian teary-eyed really got to Deran.

Just like seeing Linc with his big hands on Adrian got to Deran.

Fuck it. Deran wanted answers and that meant working on the weak link for answers. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and thumbed in his request. He got an instantaneous response back.

Craig would swing by and pick him up. Deran planned on grilling his brother who typically couldn’t say no when someone in the family put pressure on him.

Deran went behind the bar and retrieved the bottle of Milagro Silver Tequila and a shot glass. He was stuck drinking non-alcoholic beverages but with his headache he didn’t feel up to drinking anything heavier at the moment so it wasn’t an issue.

His brother entered the bar through the side door, calling out to Deran.

“Thanks for coming, Craig. Have a seat. We just got a shipment of this in and I wanted your opinion on it.” Deran wasn’t going to get him drunk, he just wanted him relaxed.

Craig seemed moved by Deran’s invitation, putting his hand over his heart like a girl, before he sat on the bar stool. It made Deran wonder how their relationship might have changed over the missing gap in his memory.

He felt a moment’s unease in plying Craig with attention and alcohol to get answers but it was the Cody way to manipulate. Deran rationalized it was for the greater good.

His greater good at least.

After pouring out the tequila he grabbed a can of Coke and popped the tab open. He raised it to toast Craig but his brother beat him to it. “Over the teeth and through the gums, look out stomach, here it comes.”

The clear liquid disappeared down Craig’s throat and he belched as he set the emptied shot glass on the bar top.

 _That_ hadn’t changed about Craig.

“So, how’s that compare to Cuervo?” Deran asked, curious to see if Craig noticed a difference.

Craig’s eyebrows did that _oh shit_ twitch signifying he’d screwed up and felt bad about it. “I didn’t really taste it.”

Deran rolled his eyes but that made his head pound more so he aborted the movement. He grabbed the bottle and measured out another shot. “Try again. But I’m getting you some water because you’re not getting pulled over for OWI on my watch.”

His brother shrugged. “It was only that one time. But yeah, I don’t wanna get pulled over.” This time he sipped the liquid. “Fucking smooth, bro.”

Moving to the refrigerated case, Deran pulled out a bottle of water. “Chase it down with this. And thanks for testing it out. I don’t like serving something new that hasn’t been tried.”

Craig puffed back up, smile wide. “Always happy to help out.”

Deran rubbed the back of his neck. “So, there’s something else I wanted to ask you.”

“Yeah, sure, anything.” He looked around as though expecting Deran to pull another bottle out for him to sample.

“What the fuck is going on with Adrian? I mean why did I hire him on if I’m with Linc? Something’s not right. I may be recovering from a brain injury but I’m not an idiot.” He watched Craig carefully to see what his response would be.

Craig paled in the dim bar lighting and began to chew on his lip. “I knew this was a bad idea.”

“What was a bad idea? Come on, Craig, help me out here.” Deran rested his forearms on the bar top and tried to look as unassuming, and non-threatening, as possible. 

This operation required tact. Craig responded to pressure but not if it was applied too forcefully.

Rubbing his temples, Craig squeezed his eyes closed for a moment. When he opened them Deran noticed the dull white surrounding the bright blue was shot through with red threads. Craig wasn’t impaired so this wasn’t a hangover. 

His brother took a deep breath. “Yeah, about that. You dated Linc for a while but decided you didn’t like him. I don’t really get it. He was the best fucking thing that ever happened to you. World class athlete, nurse and smoking hot.” 

Deran’s eyebrows raised at the last description. “If you liked him so much why didn’t you date him?”

Craig huffed but his lips turned upward. “You said the same fucking thing after you two broke up.”

“So, if we broke up, why is Linc pretending to be my boyfriend now?” Deran was going to have to pull out every little detail he wanted to know. 

Motioned to Deran’s head, Craig crinkled his nose. “You woke up all…confused. You were the one who thought you were dating Linc. The doctor said we could fuck you up if we told you stuff instead of letting you remember it naturally.”

“Letting me walk around thinking I’m in a relationship with someone I’m not is really fucked up.” Deran rubbed his hand over the top of his head, trying to focus. “Where exactly does Adrian fit into this?”

Craig’s face burned a bright pink. 

Deran straightened. “Are you telling me I’m in a relationship with Adrian?”

That actually felt right. It explained why Adria was working at The Drop. Why Deran felt jealous when other guys—when Linc—got too close to him.

It explained Adrian being stressed out.

It didn’t explain why Deran couldn’t remember being with Adrian.

There was only one way he was going to get the answer.

He pulled out his cell phone and did a quick search. “Hey, Craig, do you have time to take me to University Town Center in San Diego?”

“Why the fuck you want to go to a mall?” Craig’s blush had faded but the crinkled nose was back in full effect.

“I think that’s where Adrian is headed. I want to talk to him.”

Craig stared at the phone in Deran’s hand and raised an eyebrow at him.

“In person.”

Throwing up his hands, Craig groaned. “Fine. But you owe me more of this tequila after that.”

“You got it.”

-0-

Adrian felt like a pack-mule, laden with bags as he followed Dave out of Pottery Barn. He’d ended up with the bulkier bedding while Dave wrestled with the bathroom towels.

They could’ve gotten this shit closer to home but Dave had wanted to check out the organization systems for his closet and he’d had a coupon. Adrian had nothing but time on his hands and seeing as Dave was allowing him to stay at his place, it would’ve seemed rude if he’d proposed something else.

He turned back in to Dave’s musings on the closet organizer as they approached Adrian’s Suburban. “I’m going to have to think about it some more before I make a decision. Maybe we can come back here on the weekend. What do you think, will you be able to get time—oomph.”

Adrian’s head snapped up as Dave’s words stopped abruptly and he watched as Dave staggered back from impacting the immovable wall of Craig Cody’s chest. He narrowed his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

Craig smiled insincerely. “I needed some stuff for the house.” Uh huh. 

Dave’s head swiveled between Craig and Adrian. His eyes remained on Craig but his words were directed at Adrian, “You know this guy?”

“Craig likes to surf.” He was not getting into this, whatever this was, with Dave standing here. He nodded to his friend. “Come on, we should get going before the traffic gets bad.”

“Wait.” Craig put his hand on Adrian’s arm, halting his forward progress. “I could use your help.”

“Now’s not a good time.” The dizziness was making a comeback and he still had a thirty minute plus drive to make. He needed sleep in the worst way. Once he was at Dave’s he could relax, maybe get some rest. Have that cry that was always a second away from happening.

Dave inserted himself between Craig and Adrian which was a pretty gutsy move considering there was a six-inch height difference between them. 

Craig looked amused but Adrian had seen him lose his cool before and he didn’t want Dave getting hurt. “It’s okay, Dave. Craig’s a friend, too.”

At least he used to be. Craig liked Linc more than him which made his heart pinch. They’d surfed together and Craig had stood up for him when Deran was being an a-hole…Craig just liked Linc more. Linc with his flashy motocross reputation. 

Adrian was just a washed-up surfer.

All of a sudden it was just too much. He dug his keys out and opened the back of the Suburban, settling the large bags inside. He held his keys out to Dave who looked perplexed. “Do you mind driving back and I’ll meet you?”

“Yeah, I’ll give Adrian a ride home.” Craig smiled and Dave seemed to hesitate.

Once Dave had stowed his bags in the back, Adrian pressed his keys into Dave’s palm. “I’m really sorry about this. This shouldn’t take long and then we can talk about our next trip here.”

Dave’s eyes lit up which made Adrian feel shitty; he didn’t want to come back here.

Hell, he didn’t want to go to Dave’s but the man had stepped up and offered him a place to stay when Adrian’s own living arrangements had changed. Dave didn’t even know the whole story, just knew Adrian was currently homeless, and opened his home to Adrian anyway.

“Okay, don’t be too long.” Dave patted him on the arm and got into the vehicle. 

Adrian let Craig draw him down the row of parked cars until he saw the black SUV. This was either Pope’s or Smurf’s—probably Pope’s since he was the only relative of Deran’s who seemed to give a shit about Adrian as far as he could tell.

Oh. Craig didn’t have the Scout because the Scout had been totaled in the accident. He closed his eyes as moisture flooded his eyes. 

Craig wrapped his big paw around Adrian’s arm and towed him the rest of the way, depositing him in the backseat. “Let’s just get this over with. There, happy?”

That last bit didn’t make sense and Adrian looked up and made eye contact with Deran who was in the passenger seat. 

Adrian had zero reserves to draw on. If he’d had the energy, he would never have given in to Craig and gotten into the vehicle to begin with.

He didn’t think he could deal with whatever Craig and Deran had cooked up.

-0-

Deran craned himself around so he could see Adrian and found himself caught in the tractor-beam of Adrian’s deep blue eyes. The blue was all the more noticeable against his bloodshot whites. 

“I need to ask you some questions.” Deran waited for a response and Adrian just stared back.

Craig turned the ignition and Pope’s SUV began flashing reminders on its screen. “Buckle up, boys.”

Deran had to face forward in order to pull the shoulder harness over and clip the buckle in; he had a healthy respect for safety devices now but he was pissed off he couldn’t see Adrian anymore.

He assumed Adrian had buckled up because Craig backed out of the parking stall and merged into the traffic exiting the mall. 

Once they were on the I-5, Craig cleared his throat. “Deran has some questions about you.”

“Okay.” Adrian didn’t sound okay though; he sounded croaky.

Deran started to turn in his seat, but Craig touched his arm. “You need to face forward, dude. Smurf will skin me alive if something happens to you while I’m driving.”

He shook of Craig’s hand and resettled in his seat. “I know we were together before my accident.”

“Who told you?” Adrian sounded…weird. Upset or angry or something and Deran needed to see him.

His body remained forward facing but Deran carefully turned his neck, his forehead throbbing, so he could see Adrian. The man was slouched in the corner, elbow braced near the window, hand covering his face.

Deran straightened forward again since his visual didn’t help one goddamned bit. “I’m not stupid, I figured it out. What I don’t understand is why I woke up thinking I was with Linc instead of you. What the hell happened?”

Adrian huffed. “Yeah, that’s the big question. Maybe being with Linc instead of me was what you wanted deep down if that’s what you believed after the accident.” He didn’t sound angry or upset, more like confused. 

The throbbing in his forehead became more insistent. Deran wanted answers but he realized he felt too shitty at the moment to ask more questions.

The rest of the ride was accomplished in silence with Craig throwing him concerned side looks and looking even more blatantly concerned when he looked in the rearview mirror.

-0-

Adrian didn’t want to throw in the towel but he couldn’t watch the man he loved in a relationship with another. He just wasn’t that strong.

He didn’t really understand why Deran was still with Linc when he and Craig had told him the truth—that Deran and Adrian had been together before the accident. He didn’t expect Deran to suddenly want to spend time with him but he thought Linc would be gone by now.

His written resignation was in his back pocket and at the end of his shift he’d leave it for Deran to find. He didn’t think Deran would mind; he wasn’t into big displays of emotion and he’d be uncomfortable if Adrian broke down the way he wanted.

A table of women flagged him down and he pasted a smile on his face. “Another round of the same or are you ready for something else?”

The brassy looking one—platinum hair, blow-job lips painted bright red with matching fingernails and a huge pair of tits—smiled up at him, fluttering her eyelashes. “I don’t suppose you’re on the menu, are you?”

Sometimes the bar patrons got flirty when they drank. He thought maybe this one’s regular default setting was provocative but the alcohol wasn’t helping. Too bad she was barking up the wrong tree. “Nope. But if you want a recommendation, I think you ladies might enjoy some Fireball Cherry Apple Bombs.”

The blond bombshell picked up the red straw from her empty glass and put it in her mouth, sucking on it. She pulled it out with a pop and a pout. “Sure, we’ll take a round of those. And maybe later we’ll have a round of something else.” The other three women giggled as though that was the wittiest thing they’d ever heard. Adrian was a happy, flirty drunk but he sure hoped he’d never treated bartenders like this before. 

Someone squeezed his ass and he deftly stepped back. Before he could scold her, or turn tail and run, Deran’s voice barked across the space. “Adrian! Drinks are up.” 

Deran’s voice had that growl that always went straight to Adrian’s cock. Too bad it sounded more aggravated and less passionate then Adrian preferred. “Excuse me, ladies. I’ll be back with your drinks soon.” He hustled over to the bar.

Linc smiled at him as he approached; it was actually a nice, toothy smile but the gesture creeped Adrian the hell out. 

Deran crossed his arms, glowering; sadly, that was in keeping with his treatment of Adrian lately. “This is a bar, not a brothel. Don’t encourage them.”

Adrian opened his mouth to defend himself but the anger simmering in Deran’s light blue eyes told him it would be a waste of breath. “Right. Got it. Could I get four Fireball Cherry Apple Bombs?”

Deran’s nose scrunched up with distaste. “Such a fucking girly drink. Stop suggesting that shit, would ya?”

Linc reached out and squeezed Deran’s forearm. The gesture was enough to relax some of the tension in Deran’s shoulders.

Adrian’s heart shattered again. He turned around even as he heard Deran grabbing the cocktail glasses and filling them with ice. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

If The Drop wasn’t so busy Adrian would’ve kept on walking right out the door. Instead a group of rowdy guys at the pool tables caught his attention. They’d been guzzling pitchers of beer which was great for business but they were getting louder and louder.

He changed his path and headed toward them. Sometimes just being in the vicinity of obnoxious patrons was enough to get them to settle down.

-0-

“You were a little harsh on him, don’t you think?” Linc’s tone was even and when Deran flicked a glance his way, his brow was wrinkled like he was puzzling out a problem.

Deran thought while he measured the grenadine followed by the Fireball into the glasses. He had to detour to grab the apple cider and ginger ale and once those were added to the glasses, he just needed to drop the cherries on top.

He had been too hard on Adrian. He didn’t understand his feelings for the guy. His chat with Craig and Adrian had filled him in a little about having been with Adrian before his accident but he didn’t understand why he’d woken up after the accident, thinking he was with Linc.

Didn’t Adrian want him anymore? Is that why he’d turned to Linc?

He was beyond frustrated that neither Craig nor Adrian would explain anything more to him. 

Adrian, usually opinionated, had been nearly silent on the way back from the mall. Deran had felt too shitty to press for more information, the most pressing being _why couldn’t he remember being with Adrian?_. It’s what he’d always wanted and he’d somehow got it so how had he managed to fuck it up?

Then there was Linc. He didn’t understand why the guy had gone along with this little charade. After he closed the bar, he hoped he’d be able to get to the bottom of that story.

Unable to keep his attention away from Adrian, Deran watched him as he walked toward the pool tables where four guys were egging each other on. Usually Adrian had success acting as a peace keeper but before he made it to the group, all hell broke loose.

One guy slugged another guy and the other two jumped into the fray. 

Deran had already flipped the bar up and was going to shut that shit down when Linc caught his wrist. “Adrian’s got it. Can’t risk you taking another blow to the head.”

Pausing, he looked at the long fingers wrapped around his wrist. He was sick of taking it easy, of not being able to do what he wanted, but the last thing he wanted was to end up in the hospital again.

Linc’s touch didn’t feel wrong but it also didn’t feel right.

Not like when he’d touched Adrian earlier.

He looked over and cursed beneath his breath. These fuckers were going to bust up the bar at the rate they were going. One of the guys was already down on his ass but at least another one looked like he was going to help him up.

“Oh no you don’t!” Adrian lunged forward to grab the arm of the tall guy hovering over the one on the ground; apparently the fight was still going strong and Adrian was putting himself right into the thick of things.

Deran brushed off Linc’s grip and shot across the floor but he wasn’t quick enough to stop the chain events from unfolding in front of him.

The tall guy leaned over and pulled his arm back at the same time Adrian entered his personal bubble.

The elbow cracked into Adrian’s cheekbone which sent him reeling backward.

Everything would’ve been fine if one of the other dipshits hadn’t been standing right behind Adrian; when Adrian stumbled into him, they went down like bowling pins smacked hard by a ball.

Other patrons got involved but Deran only had eyes for Adrian who was sprawled on the floor.

Eyes closed and very, very still.

Deran pushed people out of his way and knelt down next to Adrian. “Adrian?” 

He was afraid to touch him. What if Adrian had hurt his neck or his spine? He couldn’t tell from the way Adrian was sprawled on his back, one arm stretched overhead and the other resting next to his head, one knee bent.

Deran couldn’t tell if it was the lighting in the bar or if Adrian was pale. There was no mistaking the smudges of color beneath his eyes that spoke of exhaustion.

The real kicker was that Adrian’s shirt had ridden up and exposed a swath of pale skin above the band of his jeans. When had Adrian gotten so thin? He’d always been ridiculously toned but then again, he’d always been active. Now Deran could see how the jeans sagged and he ached to place his hands on Adrian’s waist. Touch the smooth skin. Gauge the weight loss for himself.

“Let me take a look.” Linc muscled his way in, taking Deran’s place.

That’s the moment Adrian’s eyes blinked open. Linc leaned over him. “Don’t move. Just lie still for a minute while I make sure you’re okay.”

The noise level had decreased so Deran looked around. The crowd had dispersed and the loud-mouthed pool players seemed to have disappeared. Everyone else was talking or drinking. 

Deran smiled when Adrian pulled his arms into his body, ignoring Linc’s suggestion. He’d always been contrary when it came to taking orders. 

Except when it came to sex.

_Wasn’t that a hell of a thought?_

“Did I pass out again?” Adrian sounded lost as he stared up at the hovering Linc. 

The smile slid right off his face. _Again?_

And didn’t Adrian remember the fight?

“No, not this time. There was a bit of a fight and you took a hit. I need to assess you.” Linc was using his clinical voice.

Levering himself up, Adrian braced himself on his forearms. “Let me up.”

Linc pushed lightly on Adrian’s chest; Adrian wasn’t budging and refused to lay back down. Linc tried to coax him, “Let me see how much damage there is, okay?” He turned and looked at Deran. “Maybe you should call 911.”

Deran headed for the bar to get his phone; he knew firsthand how serious concussions could be although Adrian hadn’t even been unconscious for a minute. That had to be a good sign although there was no way he was going to let anything happen to Adrian.

He didn’t understand their recent history but he definitely had feelings for the guy.

Lots and lots of feelings.

“I can’t afford that.” He heard Adrian’s squeaky outrage and he looked over his shoulder as Adrian pushed Linc away. “I’m fine.” He climbed to his feet and steadied himself on a pool table.

Deran moved more quickly behind the bar to grab his phone. Maybe Adrian was okay but he’d pay the damn bill himself to make sure that was true.

-0-

Adrian took a moment to get his bearings and then he headed for the bar where Deran stood looking at his phone.

Now that he was upright, he remembered the jackasses at the pool table duking it out and how he’d used his face to stop the fight. When he’d opened his eyes, he’d found Linc hovering over him and that was enough to put him off his appetite for a while.

The worst part? Deran didn’t seem to care.

This was bullshit. Bullshit of his own making but it was still bullshit.

Adrian untied the apron from around his waist with one hand while he fished the resignation letter out of his back pocket with the other. He slapped them both down on the bar top but didn’t pause as he made his way outside.

He was steps away from his car when someone grabbed his arm and spun him around. It took a moment for him to shake the dizziness off but he couldn’t say he was surprised when it was Linc holding him in place.

The streetlight overhead highlighted the guy’s perfect face. His perfect body. 

Linc was successful, both his motocross career and his nursing one. They were about the same height but it was no wonder the guy had a way of making him feel small. 

Insignificant.

Linc had turned into the bane of his existence and, apparently, he wasn’t going to be allowed to leave until they had it out. “I’m not gonna tell you again, Linc. Don’t touch me.”

The guy let go, holding his hands up. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Your job is to make sure Deran is okay, not me.” Adrian shot back. 

That made Linc step back a pace, his arms dropping to his side. He licked his perfect lips and for once in all the times they’d interacted Linc looked unsure. “Yeah. I care about Deran. As a friend.”

Adrian blinked his eyes hard. When he opened them Linc was still standing in front of him. Staring intently at him.

Oh. He must be reading the situation wrong. There was no way—

Linc grasped his elbow lightly.

Sidestepping out of the hold, Adrian glared. “What the fuck, Linc? You’re supposed to be Deran’s boyfriend. I don’t…you can’t..what the fuck is going on here?” Adrian’s head felt like it was going to explode and it didn’t have anything to do with breaking up a brawl with his face. 

He might be really mistaken—he hoped like fuck he was—but it seemed as though Linc was trying to tell him…

Linc licked his lips again and held a hand out. As though Adrian was a spooked animal and he was trying to calm him the fuck down. “Deran’s a great guy.”

Adrian nodded his head. He knew that. He loved Deran. 

“He’s not exactly emotionally available though, you know? I thought he’d depend on me more after the accident. Need me more. Share himself with me. But he didn’t.” Linc had a dazed look on his face. It probably matched the look on Adrian’s face for all he knew.

“I don’t understand. Like at all. Deran got hurt and you swooped in and saved the day. He thinks you’re perfect. Fuck, what am I talking about? I’m a hot mess in comparison to you so of course Deran wants you. What I don’t understand is whatever you’re doing out here.” Adrian made the effort to catch his breath. 

Linc was looking at him with those—what the fuck did Pope call ‘em?—cow eyes.  
Big, brown cow eyes. Except Adrian didn’t think cows ever pulled off the sultry look like this guy did.

Linc took a step closer. And then another. Adrian found himself backed up against his Suburban.

Penned in by Linc.

“You know who needs me, Adrian? Who keeps turning to me for help? You. And I just can’t ignore how I feel any more.” 

Linc was completely in his personal space.

Cupping his face.

No wonder he couldn’t breathe. Adrian planted his hands against Linc’s firm chest and pushed.

Linc barely took a step back but it was the step Adrian needed to collect his thoughts.

He found himself bent over at the waist, hands braced against his thighs.

Laughing.

Linc’s brows were pulled straight up and he looked completely nonplussed. But at least he kept his distance.

Adrian wanted to explain how fucked up this whole thing was but first he needed to stop laughing—hysterically—and catch his breath.

-0-

Deran’s head ached like a bitch but for once he didn’t think it had anything to do with his head injury.

Adrian had stomped out of The Drop, Linc hot on his heels. 

He felt like he was missing something. Something really big. It was just out of his grasp. The hell of it was he didn’t know if it had to do with the gaps in his memory or if this was a new development. Craig was actually good at figuring out people’s motives and he suddenly wished his brother was here.

The door opened and Craig entered, heading straight for the bar. “What’s up?” He looked around the bar, frowning. “Where are your guard dogs?”

“Excuse me?” Deran stuck his chin out. He didn’t need anyone to fight his fights for him, hadn’t since he’d asked Pope to beat a couple of guys up for him. Once when he was in grade school and the other time when that guy had been sniffing around Adrian…

He planted his forearms on the bar top to steady himself; it all seemed to come back to Adrian. His left arm slid away as he made contact with the apron. Something poked out from beneath it.

A piece of paper. 

Picking it up Deran unfolded it.

Adrian was done with working at The Drop. He wished Deran the best.

_Fuck._

Black spots danced in his vision. He didn’t remember but he just _knew_ it was Adrian he belonged with, not Linc. 

“Deran? What’s going on?” Craig sounded bewildered.

Crumpling the letter in his hand, Deran straightened up and flipped the bar up at the hinge. “Remember when you wanted to help run the bar? Well, here’s your chance. I need to step outside for a minute.”

Craig’s face lit up as the brushed past Deran to settle in behind the bar. 

Deran tried not to worry about his business, left in the hands of his usually irresponsible brother; he needed to catch up to Adrian.

He broke into a jog and as soon as he cleared the door, he headed for the spot Adrian usually parked his Suburban, beneath the streetlight.

His feet stuttered to a stop as he got closer; Adrian hadn’t left. 

Linc was there with him. His big hands were on Adrian, who was bent over at the waist. Was Adrian hurt worse then he’d thought? He should’ve followed his gut and called 911.

Linc helped an incapacitated Adrian stand up as wordless sounds spilled from Adrian’s lips. 

Deran had witnessed Adrian like this before and it was usually because he was over tired and stressed out, not because something was truly funny. Like when Adrian had told him he was going to Pottery Barn.

Adrian pushed at Linc’s grip on him but the other guy wouldn’t let him go, even shook him a little as though that would halt the laughter. 

It did and Adrian stopped with a hiccup. And then he began to speak. “This is just too fucking priceless. Don’t you get it? It’s a daisy chain of unrequited feelings. I want Deran so much I’m willing to walk out of his life because he doesn’t want me. Deran wants you so much he forgets I’m even in the same room. And, you? You think you want me. Or you want to take care of me. Because I’m fucked up. Fuck.” Adrian shoved at Linc again but if anything, Linc hauled him closer. 

Up against his chest.

As though his power cord had been ripped from the wall outlet, Adrian sagged in Linc’s arms.

“Shit.” Linc, usually so eloquent, seemed at a loss for words as he guided Adrian to the pavement.

“M okay, leave me alone” Adrian sounded anything but okay and that was enough to shock Deran into moving.

He grabbed Linc’s arm and spun him around. “Don’t touch him.”

Linc shook his head. “I need to help him.”

“I think you’ve helped him enough.” One hand still clenching the stupid letter in one hand, he used the other to grab Linc’s t-shirt and yank him away from Adrian. “I’ll take care of him.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Deran’s infamous temper ignited. It could’ve been because Linc was in his way.

Or because Linc had let Deran think they were still together.

It didn’t matter because he’d heard what Adrian had said and Linc hadn’t denied it; Linc wanted Adrian.

Adrian was Deran’s. He couldn’t believe he’d forgotten but he’d felt this way for over ten years and somehow, he’d won Adrian over and they were together. At least until Deran’s memory had fucked it up.

Linc tried pulling away from him so Deran released his shirt, only to pull his hand back and let his fist fly forward. He made solid contact with Linc’s sharp cheekbone and smiled at the shock and surprise on the handsome face.

Approaching steps caught Deran’s attention and he looked over his shoulder as Pope drew near. Pope’s eyebrows climbed high on his forehead. “What the fuck is going on here?”

Deran shrugged. “Linc was hitting on Adrian.” 

“So, you punched them both out?” Pope’s nose crinkled.

Linc, who had been rubbing his face, lowered his hand. He looked down at Adrian and then back at the two Codys. “I think it’s best I take off. You going to see to him?”

Deran folded his arms over his chest and realized Pope had done the same. 

Without waiting for reassurance, Linc sidled past them and disappeared around the corner of the building.

Tucking the stupid piece of paper into his back pocket, Deran crouched down next to Adrian who was sitting up, leaning against a tire. Adrian’s forearms were braced on his bent knees and his head bowed forward, eyes closed.

“Hey, you ready to get out of here?” Deran didn’t touch the other guy; it seemed as though Adrian had fielded enough unwanted touches this evening. 

Adrian bobbed his head in agreement and held his hands out; Deran took them silently and helped tug him to his feet. At least Adrian was steady on his feet. 

Deran kept a hand around Adrian’s back in case that changed. He made eye contact with Pope. “Can you give us a ride to my place?”

Pope nodded his head toward The Drop. “Somebody tending bar for you?”

“I left Craig in there.” Deran shrugged, sheepish.

His explanation amused his older brother who flashed a smile. “Kind of like asking a wolf to tend a flock of sheep, isn’t it?”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures.” Deran followed Pope, Adrian falling into step easily.

Adrian was a little too docile for his liking so Deran kept him close. He hadn’t ruled out taking him to the ER but for now he’d just keep a close eye on him.

Forever, if he had his way.

-0-

Adrian followed Deran. He was tired of staying away, trying to respect his distance.

Watching him pay attention to Linc while pushing Adrian away.

Once he was in Pope’s SUV and buckled up, he leaned against the window and closed his eyes. He could hear Deran and Pope, talking, then arguing, then back to talking again but he’d finally reached the end of his reserves and needed to recharge.

He surfaced from his doze when the vehicle stopped. Someone opened his door, undid his safety belt and tugged him outside. The air was moist and held the tang of ocean.

They were at Deran’s.

It used to be his, too. Now it felt alien.

Pope’s fingers dug into his forearm and yanked him along. He didn’t even have to look to know that’s who hauled him upstairs. Even when Deran didn’t like him, he didn’t touch him harshly.

No, he just ignored him.

Once he was inside, he toed off his Vans and went straight to the second bedroom. He spared a quick glance, happy to see his Pothos and Jade Plants looked healthy but his Snake Plants were drooping. His plant worries fled from his mind as soon as he saw there were things piled up on the bed. 

His things. 

Clothing and some books and even his camera. Probably waiting for him to pick them up and get them out of Deran’s way.

His legs sagged and he abruptly sat down on the hardwood floor. The bed was low to the ground so he folded his arms on top of a clear space on the mattress and laid his head down.

Moisture ran unchecked from his eyes as he remembered moving into the house. How excited they’d been despite the drama of Adrian’s arrest hanging over them. 

It had been a stressful time but also one of the happiest in his life. In fact, until Deran forgot his birthday he hadn’t even known there was a problem with their relationship.

The forgetting wasn’t what bothered him either. It was that Deran had ignored his invitations, then pleading, to join him and celebrate. It was out of character.

It had hurt. Horribly. Unbearably.

Although not as much as almost losing Deran. 

What could he do to fix this? Deran didn’t want to live with him, working together was out. 

He’d already lost Deran. Maybe it was time he left Oceanside. 

Both thoughts exhausted him. 

He fell asleep before he could make more concrete plans.

-0-

“Adrian,” Deran squeezed his shoulder, jostled him a little, but the other guy didn’t respond.

Deran had planned on putting Adrian in his bed, so he could keep an eye on him, but when Adrian had moved toward the spare bedroom he hadn’t wanted to argue. 

As he surveyed the bed, Deran realized Adrian was on the floor because there wasn’t space on the bed. He’d been cleaning earlier and found some stuff in the closet that didn’t seem to belong to him.

He didn’t need his memory to realize this was Adrian’s stuff.

It didn’t take long to pile the stuff back into the closet and pull back the comforter and top sheet.

“Come on, let’s get you into bed.” Deran tried waking him again but although he roused, Adrian only turned his head in the other direction. Facing away from Deran.

He was supposed to take it easy but he couldn’t just let Adrian sleep on the floor like this. He heard voices in the living room and found Pope grilling Craig about The Drop. Ignoring the conversation, Deran tugged on Craig’s arm. “Will you help me get Adrian into bed?”

Pope would do it but he was a little rough and Deran worried if Adrian didn’t already have a concussion, he would by the time his oldest brother manhandled him into bed.

“Um, okay?” Craig looked perplexed but he followed Deran into the spare bedroom.

“Did he tie one on or something?” Craig whisper-shouted; he didn’t really have an inside voice.

Deran bit his lip, gnawing at the skin. He wasn’t exactly sure what was wrong but he couldn’t really articulate it. Instead he shook his head.

Craig shrugged. He moved forward and leaned over, threading his arms beneath Adrian’s armpits, tugging him upright. Deran grabbed his ankles and lifted and between the two of them it was easy work to swing Adrian into the bed.

Sleeping in clothing was never comfortable but he didn’t want to remove Adrian’s clothing without his permission. Deran did pull the sheet up and smooth it over Adrian’s chest. He made himself leave the room, closing the door behind him.

Pope and Craig were arguing in the living room, Pope’s arms crossed over his chest while Craig hung his head, hang-dog expression on his face.

Gesturing to Deran, Pope bit out a brusk, “Tell him or I will.”

“Tell me what?” Deran felt exhaustion seeping into his bones. For once his head wasn’t killing him but the rest of him sure felt like shit and he wasn’t sure he had the fortitude to deal with whatever bullshit Craig was about to dump on him.

Sinking onto the couch, Craig pushed his hair off of his face. “Fine. I don’t know the whole story because you were keeping this a fucking secret even from me but you had tickets from San Diego to Belize City on Adrian’s birthday. You said it was going to be a surprise but the surprise was on you when Adrian started celebrating his birthday without you because he thought you forgot.”

Deran suddenly felt lightheaded and he dropped into the nearest chair. A brief flash of memory overwhelmed him and he covered his eyes with the palms of his hands, grinding against the hurt: He had Adrian’s bag packed, the tickets and the rings—no one else knew about the rings—in his pocket, but Adrian wasn’t answering his phone. 

Someone had posted a picture of Adrian surrounded by drinks at The Drop so Deran had taken the Scout and raced to the bar. It was cutting it close for making the flight but he still felt like he had a shot.

Except he never made it to Adrian. He didn’t remember the car crash at all but he remembered how sick he’d felt that his plans had spiraled out of control, so fast. All afternoon Adrian had kept calling him and Deran had let the calls go directly to his voicemail, convinced Adrian would fall into line, come home and love the surprise trip once Deran sprang it on him. 

Except Adrian didn’t come home.

And then Deran’s calls had gone directly to voicemail. 

It had been a clusterfuck of his own making.

But why had Deran forgotten all of this?

Why had he woken up after the crash thinking he was with Linc?

Pope handed him a glass of water and some pills and Deran swallowed them down, cursing his headache which had made a comeback. “Thanks.”

His attention shifted to his other brother. Craig leaned forward, forearms on his thighs, the fall of his long hair curtaining his face from view. Deran wanted to know why Craig had hidden the truth from him, hell, made him think he was happy with Linc, but he thought he already had his answer: Craig was hurt that Deran hadn’t told him about his plans for Adrian.

He wanted to be mad but his brother looked miserable. “You’re a fucking idiot.” There was no heat in his comment and he’d called Craig that a million times before, usually with affection. 

Craig’s head snapped up. “You’re not mad?”

Shaking his head, Deran made eye contact. “As long as Adrian forgives me, it’ll be fine.”

Pope snorted. “Don’t think that’s going to be a problem, the guy has been sticking close even though you were playing footsie with Linc or whatever the hell that was.” He walked over to Craig and smack the top of his head. “Come on, let’s get out of their hair.”

Deran watched them leave and then stared down the hallway, willing that one door to swing open.

He didn’t know how he could explain this mess to Adrian but he knew he had to try.

-0-

Adrian woke up, his own clothing twisted uncomfortably around his body, his skin overheated. 

He needed to make some decisions but before he could do that, he wanted to get cleaned up. Rolling out of the bed, he looked down at the wrinkled mess he was wearing. Some of his clothing had been on the bed when he’d come in. Come to think of it, he’d been on the floor.

Shrugging—he didn’t really care enough to figure out what had happened—he opened the closet and saw his things stacked neatly. He’d be lucky to fit in the old pair of jeans and washed out t-shirt but he just needed to be covered until he could get to Dave’s place. Apparently, he’d be going commando which he hated because the denim chafed his skin but at this point, he knew beggars couldn’t be choosers.

He stuck his head out of the door and the coast was clear so he darted into the bathroom. This felt worse than a walk of shame but he consoled himself soon he’d be out of this situation.

The thought was depressing but again, he knew when to cut his losses. He could start over anywhere, he just needed to pick a place. 

He showered as quickly as he could, ignoring Deran’s products in favor of plain old soap and water. He found an unopened toothbrush beneath the sink and quickly brushed his teeth, discarding the brush in the waste basket when he was done.

Mopping up the sink with his towel, he glanced around to make sure everything was relatively tidy. Deran didn’t like clutter. He didn’t like messes. Maybe that’s why he’d grown tired of Adrian; Adrian left clutter in his wake and messy could double as his middle name despite trying to conform to Deran’s wishes.

Could someone fall out of love because their partner was a slob? His nose crinkled and he shrugged; he supposed it didn’t really matter.

To be honest, nothing really mattered except putting some distance between himself and this life.

He stopped in the guest bedroom long enough to wad up yesterday’s clothing and tuck it beneath his arm; he wasn’t so well off that he could just ditch the clothing although it was a tempting thought. He looked at his other belongings crammed into the closet and thought he should take them, too, but the thought was overwhelming.

Once he was in the hallway, he made a beeline for the front door but his getaway stalled when someone cleared their throat.

“Um, can we talk?” 

Deran.

Adrian shuffled toward the living room, limbs twitching as he stopped at its threshold. He used to adore this room, so full of light and life. 

And love.

Or so he’d thought.

“Adrian?” It almost sounded like the Deran he’d lived with, the one who joked with him and made him breakfast. The Deran who was nice to him instead of always growling.

He shrugged, staring at the floor. He’d loved the contrast between the rich, striated hardwood floors and the white walls. 

“I remember.”

Adrian stared longingly at the front door, willing his feet to move. For two weeks he’d tried to figure out what had gone wrong with their relationship, what was so awful that Deran couldn’t remember they were a couple. 

Now he realized he didn’t have the energy to care. Except he could feel the heat of Deran’s stare which meant he was probably supposed to acknowledge him. He dredged up a quiet, “Oh.”

“Will you sit down? I’d like to explain.” Deran’s voice moved closer but Adrian kept his attention locked on the front door. His chest felt tight and he wanted to be outside.

Adrian sighed. “I don’t think I can do this.”

“Hey, can you look at me?” Deran’s voice was soft but insistent; Adrian had always had a hard time telling that voice no.

Hands cupped his face and turned his head; he came face to face with Deran who frowned at him. This was more like it; this was the Deran who barked orders at him and wasn’t happy with him. The Deran that wanted Linc and not Adrian. Except he kept the pressure light on Adrian’s face, enough to keep him from looking away. “What can’t you do?”

His shoulders slumped. “Anything.” Thinking was beyond him at this point. Pretty soon breathing might be, too.

Deran continued to frown at him and Adrian closed his eyes against the unhappy image. 

-0-

Deran wasn’t sure what to do. He was used to the guy he grew up with, the one who almost always had an answer, or an opinion, and wasn’t afraid to share it with Deran.

Adrian was the one person who kept him on his toes. Challenged him.

Made him want to be a better person.

The person standing in front of him, pale and quiet, fragile and hollowed out…this wasn’t Adrian.

When Adrian closed his eyes, Deran was afraid he was going to pass out. “Come on, I think you need to sit down.” 

Adrian allowed himself to be guided to the chair, still clutching his dirty clothing to his chest as he sank into the cushions. Deran gently pried the clothing out of Adrian’s grasp and set it on the nearby coffee table. Adrian watched him carefully, but his face remained impassive, his eyes blank pools of dark blue.

“I remember. Not the crash itself, but what happened before it.” Deran sank to his knees in front of Adrian and gathered Adrian’s hands in his own, squeezing lightly. Needing the connection. “I was going to surprise you with plane tickets to Belize. For your birthday.”

He waited for Adrian to say something. Ask him questions. Maybe shout at him for being an asshole and ignoring his calls that fateful day.

Adrian just blinked his eyes in response. He looked over his shoulder at the front door and then back at Deran, shrugging. “Okay.”

Deran leaned forward, staring at the freckles splattered across Adrian’s cheeks; they were extremely visible against the pallor of Adrian’s skin. Did Adrian have a concussion from his incident at the bar last night? Something was definitely off. “Are you feeling okay?”

There was that half-hearted shrug again. “I’m tired.” The words were dragged out, echoing the sentiment. 

Deran let go of Adrian’s hands and climbed to feet. “Do you want to lay down for a while?”

Adrian shrugged, his eyes suspiciously shiny; although he looked sick, he was still the most beautiful guy Deran had ever seen. Deran wanted to punch himself for making Adrian think he preferred Linc to him. 

Without a clue as to what Adrian wanted, Deran helped him to his feet and steered him down the hallway, not stopping until he deposited Adrian on the bed.

Their bed.

It didn’t take long to strip Adrian out of the t-shirt and worn jeans, Deran’s eyes widening as he realized Adrian was now naked. He helped him beneath the covers and once again tucked the sheet around him, smoothing the material, wishing his hand was smoothing Adrian’s skin.

One step at a time. First, he needed Adrian well rested. There were things they needed to talk about.

Deran went back to the living to grab his phone. He didn’t want to ask Kai, who had worked long shifts in his absence, to give up her time off and instead he texted his brothers.

Pope would make sure Craig didn’t do something completely stupid and Craig would enjoy the chance to run the bar again.

Once arrangements were made for The Drop, Deran planned to join Adrian in bed. Not because he was tired but because he wanted to hold him close.

Now that he had his memory back it seemed as though everything should go back to normal. 

Adrian’s response—more like a non-response—to Deran’s explanation earlier indicated that wouldn’t necessarily be the case.

-0-

Adrian woke up slowly, loath to give up the feeling of contentment. His dream had seemed so real; Deran spooning him from behind, arm thrown over, pulling him close. Making him feel safe.

His eyes popped open and he glanced down. This wasn’t a dream; Deran’s arm was resting against his hip, hand splayed over his abdomen. 

He didn’t know what to think. He had a plan—get the fuck out of dodge—but then Deran had said something about remembering. 

Plane tickets to Belize for his birthday.

A spark of hope bloomed in his chest but he ruthlessly ignored it, willing it to fade.

Adrian didn’t understand how the brain worked but he didn’t have to be in medicine to know if Deran forgot about being with him and instead thought he was with Linc, their relationship had some problems.

Problems he’d been too stupid to recognize.

He edged toward the side of the bed but the hand spread over his skin pressed him backward, keeping him in place. “Wait. Can we talk? Please?”

It was the soft _please_ that did it. Adrian was a sucker for gentle Deran and there was no way he could ignore the entreaty. He relaxed back into the warmth of Deran’s chest, wondering if this would be the last time he was this close to the man he loved. Happy to have this chance.

“I was trying to surprise you on your birthday but I shouldn’t have ignored your calls. I thought you’d come home, I’d show you the tickets, we’d head to the airport and be in Belize to celebrate. I don’t know why I forgot you after the accident. Forgot what I had with you. I think maybe it had something to do with knowing I’d fucked up by ignoring you. I’m so sorry I hurt you, babe.” Deran’s voice shook with intensity; Adrian didn’t doubt he meant every word.

He just didn’t know what it meant for them. 

“Adrian? Say something. Please.” Deran clutched him closer from behind. 

“I’m glad you remember.” It had been hell watching Deran with Linc. They’d had an easy kind of relationship as a couple. Adrian never saw them argue. Linc was always there. Always supportive. The other man had been the perfect boyfriend, really. This kind of thinking wasn’t helping matters though. The main thing was Deran’s health. “Um, how are you feeling? Does your head still hurt? Are you dizzy?” He should get Deran something to drink, maybe the pills he’d been prescribed.

Only when he tried to roll out of bed, Deran hauled him back. “Can you just stop? I don’t care how I feel right now. I care about you. About us. What are you thinking? Are we okay? Are you still upset with me?” 

“I’m not upset with you. I was never upset with you.” He turned his head and made brief eye contact so that Deran could see he wasn’t lying. The angle made his neck hurt and he had to face forward again. “I feel lucky you’re still alive. Even when you didn’t want to be around me, I was still grateful you were okay.” 

Adrian supposed that was his answer—he was grateful, absurdly grateful, and if he was smart, he’d take this second chance. 

He turned cautiously within Deran’s arms until they were facing one another. Deran’s eyes looked watery and since Adrian could barely make out his features even though they were inches apart he figured that meant his were, too. He felt moisture on his cheeks which at least helped him see better.

Helped him see that Deran’s eyes were dripping moisture like a leaky faucet. 

Adrian pressed his lips to Deran’s and acknowledged he was willing to give this another shot. If Deran still wanted him then the least he could do was try.

He’d be the best damned boyfriend possible.

-0-

Deran couldn’t believe it had almost been a whole year since Adrian’s last birthday.

Since his accident.

He’d learned at least one thing since that clusterfuck and that was that Adrian didn’t especially like surprises. To that end he was talking to Adrian a week before his birthday about his idea.

The front door opened right on time—Adrian was always on time these days—and Deran waited for his boyfriend in the living room. 

Adrian kicked his shoes off inside the front door, stowed his keys in the bowl, and set his backpack beneath the entrance table. He startled as he spotted Deran on the couch as he walked through the living room, eyebrows pulling upward in concern. “Hey, you feeling okay?”

That was different, too. Adrian had always cared about Deran’s health but since the accident he’d been hypervigilant. Always offering to get Deran anything he needed. Always worried he was going to have some sort of health crisis.

Deran tried not to frown. “I feel good. Um, just wondering if you have a minute. I want to talk to you.”

Adrian perched on the edge of the chair facing Deran, biting his lip. “Yeah. Sure. What’s wrong?”

Another change, and not for the better; Adrian always worried something was wrong. Deran figured only time would fix that.

“Nothing’s wrong.” Deran kept his volume low and his tone mild. “I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to go to Belize next week. For your birthday.”

His eyebrows climbed upward as Adrian deflated, shoulders slumping down. “You want to go to Belize?” Adrian sounded the opposite of enthusiastic.

His boyfriend’s response was unexpected. “We had fun there the first time. I thought you could use the break. You don’t want to go?” Deran tried to keep his tone even but his voice was definitely louder. 

He still had the rings. 

He still wanted to propose. 

He still wanted to spend time with Adrian away from their usual routine.

Adrian opened his mouth. Closed it. Finally shrugged. “If that’s what you want.”

He sighed, exasperated. “Adrian, it’s your birthday. You get to decide. If you don’t want to go to Belize then we won’t go. Just tell me where you want to go.” Maybe Belize reminded Adrian of the accident and those miserable weeks they’d been apart. He hadn’t thought of that but it made sense.

Adrian pushed himself up from the chair and approached Deran. In a move that took Deran’s breath away, Adrian knelt on the couch, arms around Deran’s neck, straddling his lap. “I don’t want to go anywhere. I don’t want to do anything special.” He leaned forward and brushed his lips against Deran’s. Soft and sweet. “I already have my birthday present.”

Deran melted like chocolate left out in the sun on a hot summer’s day. He cupped his face and deepened the kiss. He pulled back to stare into the deep blue eyes he loved so much. “We have to do something. It’s your birthday. That’s special. You’re special.” He leaned forward and drew Adrian back into a tongue twisting kiss.

Once they separated for breath Deran could see Adrian’s brow was furrowed in thought. Deran rubbed his thumb back and forth over the crease in the skin lightly. Waiting.

Adrian took a deep breath. “Can we just stay home? Just the two of us?” He seemed especially apprehensive about Deran’s response.

Deran thought about the rings tucked away in his safe at work. He could make Adrian dinner—dinner by candlelight because Adrian loved that shit—and propose.

Or just talk.

Or talk and propose.

“A quiet night in, just the two of us. I promise. I’ll make you whatever you want for dinner.” Deran buried his hands in the soft hair at the back of Adrian’s head and yanked him forward, mashing their mouths together in a devouring kiss.

Adrian responded quickly, moaning and licking, twirling his tongue around Deran’s. Pushing his ass against Deran’s thickening cock.

At least that hadn’t changed.

“Pizza from scratch and a salad?” Adrian was convinced eating healthy would keep Deran from having a relapse and it was pretty even odds as to who could be found whipping up meals in the kitchen these days.

“Of course. I’ll even make us up some martinis while we put the pies together although you have to go easy on them so you don’t get the hiccups again.” Adrian loved martinis but sometimes when he drank too much gin he wouldn’t stop hiccupping for hours. Tipsy Adrian was funny but watching him struggle with the painful diaphragm contractions wasn’t fun for either one of them.

Deran expected Adrian to laugh. Instead he pulled back suddenly and promptly buried his face in the side of Deran’s neck. “I love you so much.”

Deran’s chest swelled with emotion and he tightened his arms around Adrian. Words failed him as he swallowed past the lump in his throat. He manhandled Adrian onto his back and let his hands roam over the freckled velvety skin hidden beneath his shirt while kissing the breath out of him.

Things were the same. But different.

He regretted the pain he’d caused Adrian last year but he knew his feelings for Adrian were deeper. He suspected it was the same for Adrian.

They were going to make it together. He just knew it.

Finis

**Author's Note:**

> This was my wildcard prompt for hurt/comfort bingo and I selected amnesia for the fill.
> 
> Allthehearteyes wanted some resolution so there is another story in the Home 'verse.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
